


melancholy

by pookie_bear



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angst, F/M, Heartbreak, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Past Ryan Ross/Brendon Urie, Post-Break Up, just sad ryan, no death this time, ryan is the one narrating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-01 15:52:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15146549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pookie_bear/pseuds/pookie_bear
Summary: Melancholy.That was what his love was based around.





	melancholy

     Melancholy.

 

     That was what his love was based around.

 

     A stabbing pain that consumed his thoughts, physically hurt him to the point where he couldn’t breathe at night, and suffered fatigue the next morning. An etched sorrow that merged and became one with his mind and body. Was it supposed to feel like this, like a laceration burned into him; was this what love was meant to be? A violent emotion that either healed or injured? He hated it, and yet was hopelessly addicted to the sensation it brought him, the promise that was given and then taken back; he hadn’t had a lasting taste quite yet, but the thought provoked something from him: an infinite desire, one that wasn’t healthy.

     A hopeless cause, his heart longing for someone he couldn’t have. Someone he had known for so long, had held so dear to him, someone he had fallen wordlessly in love with. A confession was stitched onto his tongue, the only barrier his lips. He had built a wall, to prevent that one secret from slipping through the edges, so he wouldn’t mess up. Now he lost sleeping, thoughts focused solely on the ‘ _what if_ ’s and the ‘ _maybe_ ’s. ( _What if he told him that he had fallen in love, instead of just taking a small liking to him? Maybe then he would have stayed._ ) He tried so desperately to forget, and _maybe_ he was making progress, _maybe_ he would have moved past it, if the main source of all his problems didn’t show up unexpectedly at his door a year later with a wedding invitation.

     Her name was Sarah, and she was lovely. Beautiful, kind, thoughtful and loving; everything he had aimed to be, the traits he had strived to gain through time, but eventually gave up on. She was everything he wasn’t, with her waves of black hair cascading down her back, pooling on her shoulders in loose curls. Her soft blue eyes that saw but never judged, that looked past flaws and saw raw beauty. Perhaps that’s why she had caught his eye, was courted swiftly, and now was engaged and soon to be married.

     What was the problem? Was it his personality, so dark and engaging, demanding and profound? Was it because he made far-fetched promises, one’s he would’ve lived up to had he been given time, but never, because he was running out of time, he didn’t have enough time, _he had no time at all._ All those promises, so sweet and meaningful, had spilled from his mouth, and he had meant to keep his word, he truly had, _(I’ll get better, I’ll be happier, we’ll be happy, we’ll get married-_ ) but he wasn’t given a chance, and had lost his source of happiness forever. He blamed himself, an endless midnight stretching to a faded morning, and was lost in self-loathe because _how was it not his fault,_ because all he asked for was time, but patience wasn’t a trait of _his_ , and now _he_ was gone.

 

     Because that was what his love was built off.

 

     Melancholy.

**Author's Note:**

> okay so, i asked my friend for a word and, being her 'trademark,' she gave me melancholy, which then gave me this idea for a short drabble. like, in google docs in the standard font/size format it gives you, this was one page. i was originally going to expand on this, make it 5 chapters, but nah, it would drag on if i did that. i might keep doing stuff like this, with the same format as this one has, because i like the way it looks. (i actually wrote this last week and im just getting to posting it xp) hope you enjoyed --


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